8 Ways to Keep your Zen When Others Lose Theirs!
By Pamelagrace Beatty
Birthdays. Thanksgiving. Family reunions. Other celebrations. We all know that the Christmas holidays can be frightful for some. Not everyone yearns to gather with all the family on those sacred or memorable days. Of course, it doesn’t help that some of these holidays are mandated by our national culture or religious tenets. And heaven help those who don’t agree with those mandates. Try forgetting to call, or sending a card/gift to your mother on Mother’s Day. Just try it! It doesn’t matter if you have been sending her cards and gifts all year ‘round. It’s MOTHER’S DAY, darn it! Get with the program!
Perhaps you can tell I have no children, which is why I don’t care about Mother’s Day, but you best be believing I sent cards and gifts to my mom every year. I wasn’t about to be the ungrateful daughter who couldn’t be bothered with sending a card or calling after all she did for me (and, yes, she did do quite a lot. She deserved to be remembered on that day and all the other days I sent cards and gifts). So, what has that little diatribe got to do with keeping calm during chaos and upset? It’s an example of how to keep your Zen. Don’t cause someone else to lose theirs. But there’s more below. Consider the above as a bonus…
1. Take a Breath and Count to Ten
If something or someone is driving you crazy, just keep breathing. You see, once we get upset, we breath more shallowly. We don’t get enough oxygen to our brains. That inhibits are ability to think clearly. If we stop and take some deep breaths, or count to ten in a foreign language, we are bound to come back to our senses, or our Zen. The purpose of counting in a foreign language is if it is not your native tongue, you have to think more about it. That takes your mind off the upset you were experiencing. If you don’t know another language, then count backwards in your own, but start at twenty. Ten is too easy and you will be back to your upset self too quickly.
2.Dress Them up like Circus Animals
This works like counting in a foreign language, but it is way more fun. Perhaps too much, but I will get to that later. This works well when you are bored out of your mind, like when you are in a work meeting, or someone is going on and on and on about something you have no interest in. It also works if what they are saying is beginning to annoy you, and you feel your eyes squinting and your breathing becoming shallow. Just dress them up, and then, if you have ever seen Disney’s “Fantasia” have them dance or play an instrument like a trumpet or drums. I’m telling you, this solution can be truly fun and funny! That, by the way, is the downside. I once did this so well in a meeting that I laughed out loud at an inappropriate time. Everyone turned and stared at me. So, I gave up that method of distracting myself and returning to my Zen.
3. Touch a Pressure Point
There are various spots on our bodies that react to pressure. According to reflexologists, there are seven on just our hands. I pinch the skin between my thumb and first finger to calm down or wake up. That can be painful so you will want to be gentle. The way it restores your Zen, or calm, is to bring you fully present to wherever you are. It also helps to breathe deeply while doing so.
4. Go to Your “Happy Place”
Everyone has some place and/or time where they were at peace. Where everything was beautiful, and life was good. One of my favorite memories is when I was at a conference in Hawaii. On a break, I went out and found a little dimple on the hill just large enough for me to sit in it cross-legged. I sat there and looked at the beautiful view of the ocean, sky and grassy hill. It was so soothing. Although I went there many years ago, whenever I recall the memory, I still remember how calm and peaceful I was.
5. Exercise
Yep, get moving! This is very good for when you are enraged and/or simply can’t let go of some situation that is making you very unhappy. Once, a boyfriend asked me what did I do when I got angry? He would go hiking or biking. I didn’t do either of those, and had never thought about doing something physical when I was mad. Then I read an article about how men frequently do exercise or get active when they are upset. Women, not so much. I have found that doing housework (not my favorite activity) can have the same effect as long as I work vigorously at it.
6. Do Something You Love
This may sound counter to the one above, but again, it takes us into a new brain space. It shifts our energy from something we’re upset about to something that, ideally, makes us happy. This one can be a little challenging because sometimes we are upset and that’s where we want to be for a bit. So, it might feel like trying to stop suddenly on the freeway. But it’s worth it. If you have the self-control, use this method.
7. Eat Popcorn
Well, you don’t have to eat popcorn although that is some folks’ go-to soother. Ice cream is soothing to others. How often have you seen, usually a woman, go to the fridge and pull out a carton of ice cream after a bad day or bad breakup? Indulging in your favorite food (notice I am not recommending your favorite alcohol – that may cause more trouble than it prevents) for just a bit might be good.
8. Retail Therapy – Buy Now
Going to the mall and taking your upset out on your credit card can help, but it is a bit dangerous too, so I don’t really recommend it unless nothing else works. You may get home and hate that outfit you bought. Or worse yet, you may be vulnerable to unscrupulous salespeople who can spot a “mark” and who sell you a ton of stuff you not only don’t need, but also when you get home, you find out you don’t even want. it And in the case of the $600 dollars’ worth of rejuvenating facial products I once got stuck with, it doesn’t even work! Buying yourself something can feel good in the moment. Like you are taking control of your life and treating yourself well. But, it could also be something you will regret.
The ideas above are more anger hacks than long-term solutions to dealing with upset. They work in the moment. But if you find yourself getting angry often or intensely, you will need more than these temporary interventions. Being able to take a deep look at why you get so angry and/or being able to recognize what triggers you to go there, and then having regular practices like meditation, journaling, or professional therapy could actually make a major difference in your life.
So, following my own advice, I am off to my happy place. See you on the island!
