Dip Your Cup

By Pamelagrace Beatty

Often, I think I don’t have something, or I need something more.  Frequently that means a trip to the grocery store for something for dinner, or to a department store for a new outfit for a performance or event. Then, I think a little bit, look around a little bit and, voila!  I have what I need right there in my house.  Of course, that’s easy with clothes since I have two closets full of them, plus two trunks where I store things according to the season.  But the dinner ingredients?  Since I do buy extras, I usually always have what I need although I may not have every ingredient.   For example, just this week I wanted to make shrimp and grits.  The recipe called for whipping cream.  I didn’t have any kind of cream on hand. “Rats,” I thought. “I’ll have to run to the store! I want to use this shrimp before they go bad.”  But, instead, I found a recipe online that didn’t need cream, just lots of garlic and butter.  I cooked it up and it was delicious!  I would not have tried it had I not been out of cream.  All my needs were met.

This way of thinking is about more than cooking, though. It applies to anything we think we don’t have enough of.  I am single, and sometimes I feel lonely.  I have no significant other to talk to, cuddle with, share with, do other things with, like going to hear music or going on vacation together.  I miss that. I have, in the past, felt very unloved, perhaps even unlovable.  Because if I were lovable, then someone would be here loving me, right?  Not long ago, however, I decided to be more aware of those who did love me.  I asked myself, who was that?  Did anyone love me?  Well, yes there were friends and family who loved me. O.K., why not dip my cup into that love instead of lamenting the lack of love from one person?  What a concept!

When I think about who loves me, I feel much better.  And as I was thinking there are people who actually love me, a book I was reading reminded me that it was important to not only love myself, but also to be love in action.  Love other people and let them know it in ways they can understand.  Well, just loving myself was challenging enough, but I am being more aware of what that means. It shows up as being more kind to myself, not being so self-critical, forgiving my mistakes and even standing up for myself!  Wow. I hadn’t realized how often and how many ways I threw myself under the bus.  From eating badly to self-deprecating jokes. As you can see, I have some work to do, but I am feeling better already.  Here’s a surprise benefit in loving myself: I not only find it easier to love, be kind, be gentle and forgiving toward others, but I automatically become more loveable myself!  Now, ain’t that something, as my grandmother would say.

Knowing we are loved and loving ourselves impacts our entire lives.  Whenever you see someone (including yourself) acting really ugly, mean or angry, it’s due to a lack of love somewhere along the line.  They aren’t loved up.  They are feeling unloved, unappreciated, unheard, or disrespected.  Something nurturing is missing for them. The worse they are acting, the more unloved they are feeling. Unfortunately, you can’t just give them a hug and fix it. I learned long ago that no amount of love I could give would fix someone who deeply didn’t love themselves. On the other hand, I found that giving my love to folks in pain could help some begin to heal.  It’s a judgment call. 

Now here’s something to think about, people can feel your love, even if you aren’t there with them. It moves through the atmosphere like the wind through the sky.  Love is energy, we are energy and we are seated in love, we emanate it, people can feel it. This means you don’t have to go out of your way to say “I love you.”  You can think it, feel it and send it.  There is a side benefit to this action too.  When you think it, feel it and send it, your energy is lifted as well.

Believing that we have everything we need right here and now reduces anxiety and takes our feelings and our energy to a higher level. So many people stay in situations they dislike or are very unhappy in, like jobs, relationships, and/or activities.  When we do that, we have told ourselves some story that we believe like, “I won’t be able to get another job” or “No one could ever love me so I might as well stay with the one I’m with” or “I have to do this, I have no choice.”  We all have choices.  We may not like the choices, but we have them.  By taking a leap of faith, we might just modify our belief that there isn’t enough rather than just toss it out. 

For example, I worked in a company where I felt the management was very unfair and that I was bound by my position to do what they told me to do.  I didn’t agree with their way of handling some issues but I felt I had to go along with their approach or lose my job.  It had taken me a while to get that job and I just didn’t believe there would be another one out there for me. But I found a different way to look at my job.  I redefined my job and called myself an internal consultant.  I gave the leadership my perspectives on various issues and they could agree with me or not.  Either way I got a paycheck.  I became bolder, more confident in my own perception.  I received bigger projects and more people listened to what I advised.  Finally, the leadership changed and a new group came in.  This group insisted we do exactly what they told us to do in the way they told us to do it.  By that time, I had gotten good at being an internal consultant. It was time to take my skills elsewhere.  I became an external consultant for different companies for 20 years.

How does this connect to dipping my cup in my own well?  I learned I had a personal well. I had something to offer and there were people, departments, organizations that wanted what I had to offer.  I could believe in myself and my skills. There were lots of opportunities if I just opened my eyes and allowed myself to believe that.  What we see, is what we get.  If we see no possibilities, we are stuck.  If we allow ourselves to believe that we have everything we need, regardless of how things look in the moment, things work out.  They do.