Ten things you get to NOT do now that you are retired!
- Be polite.
I was very surprised when my mother said someone’s baby was ugly. When I was growing up, she insisted I never tell that kind of truth! She said, “If the baby is ugly say something like, ‘Oh what pretty eyes he has;’ or ‘what a darling little outfit she’s wearing.’ So I developed a number of ways to sound like I was complimenting someone’s baby. It’s not that I disliked babies. It’s just that frequently when babies are born, they haven’t developed into the lovely or handsome folks they will be later. One person said newborns look like little old men. Not all of them, but some of them do. And even if they do, saying that will not please the mother, who just went through hell giving birth to the baby, nor the father, who is so pleased over having produced offspring. Besides, what is the point of saying someone’s darling miracle is ugly? None; unless you’re young and blunt, or old and tired of making stuff up so you won’t hurt someone’s feelings.
To be clear, I am not recommending anyone tell a mother her darling child is not the cutest little critter in the known universe. There are plenty of other opportunities for us to tell the bold truth, as we see it, that won’t impact innocent babes. For example, now we can admit we hate Brussels sprouts when someone insists we eat green stuff. We can also confess we don’t necessarily care who wins the latest sports game. The opportunities to speak our truths abound. I do suggest, however, that some thought be given to which truths we choose to share and to whom. Being intensely rude can leave you with no friends or family that want to be around you. I know of one person who repeatedly told her children and grandchildren what she thought about what they were doing in their lives – pretty much as criticism.
They loved her but they never went to visit her and rarely called her. One grandchild taught her how to use email where she could rant quite loquaciously about what they were doing. The kids resolved that by giving grandma an email address they never checked. The saddest thing is that the grandma didn’t understand why no one came out to see her or call her. So…using a bit of caution on just how much you say what you think, is a good idea.
2. Get up early.
Don’t have to do that anymore unless you want to! Even if the love of your life wants to. My last boyfriend would get up at 3:00 AM! Who does that when they don’t have to? He did. Fortunately, he completely understood that I was not going to join him in his pre-dawn activities. I later found out he loved that alone time and I was happy for him to have it. Even if you are working or have something to do that requires you get up early, you still have choices. You can let the job know you don’t do early and maybe find other things to do that don’t require getting up at the crack of dawn. If, however, after years of waking up early in the morning, you want to continue that routine, have at it!
3. Wear make-up.
Men, you don’t have to worry about makeup. Women, this may be a bit disconcerting. Now that we are older, that youthful, dewy look we used to wake up with is long gone. Choose carefully when you will go barefaced and preferably still at least wear lipstick when going to the store or out to meet friends. Not only does it spruce up your look and make you look like you care about yourself, but it also makes you feel better about yourself. Even in my 20s and 30s, I always at least wore lipstick even if I was just going to the grocery store. I have friends who didn’t and don’t wear makeup. It’s just not important to them. O.K. But I like putting my best face forward…usually. I do go barefaced when I get right out of bed and I depend on poor eyesight of older boyfriends to not realize I have none on. No one has complained so maybe I’m getting away with it.
4. Shave.
This is for the men. I put this in because of our mandatory isolation last year. Boy! So many men grew hair on the chins, on their heads and wherever! One friend of mine looks as though he is wearing a sheep’s wool hat on his head. We knew he had curly hair, but boy! Some men’s beards have grown beyond belief! I didn’t understand why barber shops and hair salons were among the first businesses to be approved to open as the pandemic waned. Now I do. But I still don’t understand why tattoo parlors were included in the list. How necessary is a tattoo? But I digress…
5. Dress up.
I read a complaint in the news once where the writer said, “Please wear pants when you go out to get the mail.” I laughed at the time until a couple of weeks ago when I almost went out in my pajamas. They were a t-shirt and loose shorts, but still, they might have looked like pajamas. For those of us still working, we aren’t going to work so we don’t have to dress for that anymore. For those of us working from home, we all know to dress up to some degree from the waist up and have something presentable on our lower half – yes?
6. Cook.
We eat less (allegedly, not sure I fit that category yet) so we may not be cooking so much anymore. Frankly, after six months of isolation, despite the “Tasty” app, I got tired of cooking and decided I didn’t have to do it if I didn’t want to. So, I don’t, and don’t have to toil in the kitchen either. One caution…choose your take-out sources carefully.
7. Work at jobs you don’t like.
A number of retirees are still working. Some are working because they need to; some, because they want to; some are bored or want to be around people, or miss being involved, or being the boss, or doing something that helps other people. Whatever the reason may be for going back to work, the one thing we don’t have to do is work at a job we dislike. As retirees, we most likely have some form of income and ideally that pays the basics. That allows us to be choosy about the kind of work we do and what we are willing to experience as we do that work. In fact, just knowing we can quit at any time makes it easier to deal with difficult situations. Having a cushion of income also allows those of us who still want to or need to work to go for what we would enjoy doing. How wonderful is that?
8. Pay for the kids.
At this point, the kids are grown. Hopefully they are on their own. Now we can spend our discretionary funds on ourselves, right? I hope so. We have earned our way. We have anticipated retiring. We get to have some fun or even be selfish with our money. Yes, we can spend lavishly on the grandkids if we want to, but don’t feel guilty if we want to make ourselves happy with the money we earned over our lifetime.
9. Put up with people you don’t like.
I have a friend who really dislikes the best friend of her husband. She “gets” to go out to dinner and on vacations with this couple. She does it because she loves her husband and doesn’t want to get in the way of the relationship with his old friend. My heart goes out to her. Life is now too short (was it ever long enough?) to put up with people you don’t like. For those of you who are, for some reason, stuck with them, find a way to limit your exposure. Use those earbuds and play music on your cell phone. Read a book in their presence. Limit your responses to what they say so that you don’t encourage them to keep talking. And if you can just avoid being around them, do it. I have a sign in my kitchen that says, “Life is too short to drink bad wine.” Add the words, “…and deal with icky people” to that.
10. Say yes.
How many times have we said “yes” to something we really wanted to say “no” to? I highly recommend more use of the “no” word. Just say “no”. Just say it!! You can start small and safe, like “No, I don’t want to eat those Brussels sprouts,” and work up to the big “No’s” like, “No, I am not going on vacation with those people. I don’t enjoy being around them.” Hopefully, it won’t break up your marriage. Just saying “no” can be so rewarding and bring you wonderful peace of mind, after you get over the anxiety of having been so bold.
I imagine you can think of lots of things you don’t have to do now that you are retired. We would love to know what they are. Leave a comment after this post. Signing off from the land of “No.”
