Is It Soup Yet?
by Pamelagrace Beatty
A child was waiting, not so patiently, for her mom to finish dinner. They were having a delicious smelling soup with lots of different vegetables and leftover roast beef. The child watched somewhat hungrily as her mother spooned up a bowl of the stew for her. But still, as her tummy growled louder and louder, she asked her mother, “Is it soup yet?”
One summer day I told my mother, when I was eight or nine, that I was bored. She answered immediately, “If you’re bored, it’s your own fault.” I knew right in that moment, that complaining to my mother about not having anything interesting to do was not going to fly. I was expecting her to provide my entertainment and she dumped the problem right back into my lap. She made me realize that I was responsible for my own happiness. Fast forward to retirement, the golden age, the time for fun and yet so many retirees aren’t having any. Why is that? Perhaps those retirees didn’t have my mother to teach them how to make their own fun or that they were responsible for it. But they are. There is no one who is going to wave a magic wand and poof, fun.
Sometimes we are like that child. What we want is sitting there right in front of us and we are still wondering if that is really it. Or sometimes we are like I was as a child, we’re bored, and we want someone else to fix it. Retirement is like that and the question might be, “Is it fun yet?” And if the answer is, “No, it’s not!” there’s actually something we can do about it.
I’ll be honest, I don’t know why so many retirees insist on being miserable when there are so many opportunities to have great fun! Something must be missing in them. Perhaps that childlike willingness to explore, laugh, not take themselves so seriously. Maybe it’s being willing to start something new and not be the best at it. Maybe it would help to be open to enjoying the learning process. Perhaps any or all of that is missing.
As adults, especially older adults, we have learned so much and had so much experience on our way to retirement. Many of us have been the ones who knew the most in the room (especially when we were the oldest in the room!). We may have been managers, business owners, subject matter experts. We knew what we were doing. We had done it for many years. Then, what happened? We retired and all that knowledge and experience became irrelevant. Or did it?
When it comes to learning stuff, we’re still experts. We’ve had lots of years to perfect learning. Much has changed for the Baby Boomer cohort between 1946 and now. We have seen technology advance in many different areas from entrance of television to cell phones where we can see the person we are talking to and that fit in our pocket! Boomers have seen things no one even thought would come into being. We have learned how to live with this new era and are continually challenged to keep up. So, we are used to embracing new ways of doing things and seeing things. We did it through our jobs and through raising our kids in these different times (different from what our parents experienced, that’s for sure.) So, now that we have retired, why can’t we can take something new and with a good attitude and a bit of determination learn all about it, if we want to? “Want” is the key word here. As retirees we have to want to learn; we have to want to experience new stuff and be willing to not be not the smartest one in the room as we learn. We may have to ask questions of someone younger, a lot younger and be OK with showing we don’t know something. Those who answer us may be our grandkids who were raised with technology (some literally typing into a computer as babies.) Or they may be a manager on the job we may be still work at and they are 20 years younger that we are. Yep, that can be a bit scary. But we will get used to that. Besides, we don’t have to let the learning process stop us. Being open to learning takes the sting out of not knowing something. It also can increase the willingness of those who are answering our questions to help us. It makes them feel useful. My niece loves helping her grandfather with his computer problems. I love helping him with his recipes now that he has to cook for himself since my mother passed away. I feel so good when he says, “Hey that’s a good idea”. I feel useful and closer to him.
Helping others can be something that is right in front of us. Offering our expertise in whatever area we choose to use and having someone appreciate what we offer is a way to enjoy our retirement. Maybe you like to cook, as I do. Cooking for someone who can’t cook because they are unable physically or they are just bad cooks, can make someone so happy. Maybe you are good at desserts and you know friends or family who aren’t, but they love sweets. Making something sweet and taking it over is a lovely gift. Maybe you are good at repairs or yard work. Offering a hand to those who aren’t could be so appreciated. There are groups of seniors in various towns who list their talents and share them among each other. So, if one person can do something someone else needs done, they do it for them for free. It all evens out in the end. Doing for others is a great way to get us out of the doldrums and helps us feel useful. We all want to be useful. Doing for others is just one way to enhance our enjoyment of retirement. There are many others. What’s important is to know that our happiness is our responsibility. And the opportunity to be happy is always sitting right in front of us like that little girl’s bowl of soup.
