Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better!
by Pamelagrace Beatty
Remember the little kids’ song, “Anything you can do I can do better. Anything you can do I can do too?” My mother laughed out loud when I was hired to be a flight attendant for Trans World Airlines. She said, “Now you will have to wear lipstick!” I didn’t know it mattered that much to her. But yes, I did have to wear lipstick, false eyelashes, foundation makeup and more! I became quite good at applying it. So much so, that later, when I became a flight attendant instructor, I was one of the make-up teachers. Here’s the ironic thing: the flight attendant students told me they really liked being in my class versus the other make-up instructors’ classes. Those instructors looked like they had just stepped out of Glamor magazine. Me? Not so much. Trying to look as good as the other instructors looked was daunting. But, the students said, it was easy to look like I did in make-up. I guess that was a compliment?
It wasn’t. However, the first time I heard someone say, “If Pamela can do it, I can do it.” After my first year in college one of my mother’s church acquaintances told her she was sending her daughter to the same college I attended. Why? “Because if Pamela can do all right there, certainly my daughter can.” Another compliment? Maybe not. I confess, it bothered me for a few years. It seemed like a left-handed compliment. You know, the kind that sounded sort of like an insult when it came out of someone’s mouth. You look at them with a squinchy eye and you want to respond, “What are you trying to say?” The speaker, of course, is oblivious to how what they just said has landed on the listener. They have chattered merrily on, paying no attention to my squinch. Um-humm…
After a while, I got used to it, and even used it myself in coaching sessions with people at work. “Hey, if I can do it, you can do.” I knew I was the standard many folks had measured themselves against, imagining they could do at least as well, if not better. Strangely enough, those I said that to didn’t believe me. They would give reasons why I could do something, but they could not. I guess the standard had changed. So, I had to find a new way to encourage them to overcome whatever they were battling against. I found that telling them they had the strength and the smarts themselves was more effective.
Here’s where I am going with this. So often we compare ourselves to others and come up wanting. Wanting to be more like they are or wanting to be more of what we feel we are less of. We don’t recognize that, in fact, we do have a lot to offer and some of it is unique to us. It isn’t what anyone else has offered. Think “pet rocks.” Do you remember them from the 70s? I do. They were the rage at one time. For six months they were selling off the shelves, peaking at around Christmas. All they were was just some dumb old rocks somebody picked up from the ground, washed, varnished and sold with an advertising spin. The advertising exec, Gary Dahl, who thought it up, made about $15 million on them. Now if that man can make millions off of the idea of buying some plain old rocks, just think of what original ideas we might have that could be worth millions?
I don’t think I’m asking too much here. Most of us don’t think our ideas are that unique or have that much potential. But what if they did? What if, instead of telling ourselves, “Ah, that would never work,” we instead said, “What if it did?” What if we approached the challenges in our lives with that “What if I can?” attitude versus the opposite? We spend a lot of time and effort telling ourselves why things won’t work, what if we put the same effort into telling ourselves it could?
Back to “If Pamela can do it, I can do it.”
When I was in human resources at a large manufacturing company, this young woman was sent to me for me to “fix,” sort of like “Iyanla, Fix my Life” on television. She was still new to the company, having worked there for only a year. She was pretty, she wore her hair in a long pageboy, and she always wore dresses. She was soft-spoken and very smart. But her manager was not happy with her. He said she didn’t look professional. To him, she looked like a secretary! Yes, that’s exactly what he said, a secretary because at the time, all female management in that department wore suits like the men. They also had short hair that didn’t touch their shoulders. They were outgoing, assertive, and smart. They were politically correct – which that manager was not when he said the woman he wanted me to “fix” looked like a secretary! This woman was not fitting into his picture, nor his colleagues’ picture, of how a female manager should show up in their department.
On the other hand, though, she achieved all her work objectives and was well liked by the people who reported to her because she was soft-spoken and considerate, which was rarely seen in that department. She got a lot of work done with ease and grace. When she met with me, she already knew about the issues her manager had with her appearance and demeanor. She was already looking for a new job. I knew of her work and admired her. I also knew that the way she dressed and wore her hair were not the standard for that department. I had hoped that her management would judge her by her effectiveness at work rather than her appearance. But, no.
We talked about her experience in her department of not quite fitting in. I had a lot of empathy for her; after all, I was one of 3 Black people in my department of 30 and continually fought to have my accomplishments recognized. I told her she could turn her situation around. She told me, I was only saying that because I was so successful and fit right into the company. Yes, I was sitting there with short hair and wearing a suit, but I knew I didn’t fit in. I just refused to be pushed out. For her, it wasn’t worth the fight. She left the company that month. I like to think that she found the place that was perfect for her. A place where who she was, and how she was, were exactly what they needed. I am sure she did. As for the department she left in the company we both worked for, they went on requiring their staff to look and be what they wanted them to be. It was a difficult place to work, but the one saving grace was that those who worked there learned a lot that made them desirable candidates for jobs elsewhere.
After a while I got tired of fighting my limitations there. I took all the wonderful project experience and training I’d had in that company and went off to work for myself. Here I am, still doing that. I appreciate the opportunities I had in that company. “It’s an ill wind that blows no one any good.” I can still smile when I think of all the excitement, the many challenges and the opportunities that stretched and grew me. I keep telling people, “If I can do it, you can do it,” because it’s true.
