Are You Listening?
by Pamelagrace Beatty
We commonly joke about “women’s intuition”. When it shows up in a man, it is called “gut feeling”. We all seem to have some experience with knowing about something without any data or experience to prove it. Some of us are good at going with that feeling; honoring it, respecting it and following it. Some of us aren’t. And we regret it later. Can you think of times where that happened to you? Where “something” inside of you said, “You should…” and you ignored it, or maybe you didn’t? That “something” talking to us is our intuition. It is an old wisdom area within us…a sort of internal guidance system. It knows things we don’t know. It seems to have a bigger picture. I call it the IGS, Internal Guidance System.
I have experienced my IGS many times. I have found it most helpful when I am out of my element and have nowhere to turn to. It has literally told me where to turn! One such time, I ignored it. I wanted to buy more painting supplies and I was driving toward the art stores. My IGS said to go to the store east of where I was. I argued with it. We frequently argue with the IGS because it may be asking us to go against what we already have decided or think we want. I said, “I don’t want to go to the store on the east side. The west side store is closer, and I like it better.” Two blocks later I was T-boned while turning right, by a car that ran a red light. Had I gone to the other store I would not have been at that cross-section in time to be hit by the other car. My car, which I loved to bits, was totaled to bits. I was not hurt. But the importance of listening to my IGS was certainly pounded home!
A study was done on women who had been accosted and/or raped, or almost. The intention of the study was to see if the women had any inkling something bad was about to happen. They did. They all had warning feelings about the situation or person that did or almost did these things. Some ignored those feelings and the results were bad. Those who didn’t managed to avoid or escape the encounters.
Avoiding potential rapists and accosters is an extreme example but an important one. One arena where this avoidance can be essential is in online dating. Sometimes, all we have is our IGS. There are a number of clues that might be indicators that you are dealing with a bad actor, someone who means you no good will or someone who is a scammer waiting to take your money, or worse. The online dating sites will tell you, don’t give your real name, your address, your bank account number and so on, until you know whom you are dealing with. Even then, don’t give them your account numbers or credit cards numbers unless you are MARRIED to them (and you still might want to be careful, for a few years!!) But, in the beginning of the relationship, if there are no obvious flags, your IGS may be the only thing saving you from potential disaster and heartache.
I have found it also helps to be very clear on what kind of relationship you want. For example, I recently met someone online who was very enthusiastic and complimentary. He invited me to agree to a “proposal” which I actually found hard to decipher. So, I asked him what, exactly, was his proposal? His answer was still vague but had something to do with a magical and intimate time together- right away, first date-a possible long-term relationship later. Really? Yep there were flags. Everywhere. Something told me to run as fast as I could. Do not respond, do not argue, do delete his messages. Now. But I didn’t do that. I argued with my IGS. I wanted to send a burning retort to him. The nerve of him assuming I would just jump on his “proposal”, throw caution to the winds and do whatever when I didn’t even KNOW him!! So, I compromised. I compromised because I did/do have a firm idea of what I want in my next relationship with a guy. I want someone kind, considerate, intelligent, self-confident and so on. No need to go on and on here. When I gently told Mr. Proposal that I didn’t know him and couldn’t just link up with him like that, he turned mean. That was all I needed. I did not respond, nor argue and I did delete his messages. High on that list of desirable attributes in my next relationship were kindness, consideration and respect. He was woefully lacking in those. So, my IGS warned me, actually immediately, but I had to find out for myself. Fortunately, in doing that I was none the worse for wear. Sometimes we are not that lucky.
Paying attention to that wise voice within us is important in anything we do. Learning to recognize it can sometimes be hard. The more we take time out to get quiet, meditate, journal or just walk in the woods with quiet minds, the more we can learn to hear and appreciate our internal wisdom. The amazing benefit of practicing listening to our internal self is that when we are back out in the world and something difficult or surprising comes at us, we can mentally step back into that inner place of calm, take a breath, consult with our IGS and respond to the situation much more effectively.
