Changing Directions

by Pamelagrace Beatty

Often, we are like a large ocean liner, and they don’t turn on a dime. There is no such thing as a 90-degree right or left turn. Ships need a wide loop to turn around.  The pilot or captain has to plan ahead and initiates the turns degree by degree.  It could take a while, three to five minutes, to turn completely around.  Actually, that’s pretty good.  How long does it take us to turn around?  Not physically, I mean mentally.   Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to instantly change what we are thinking or stop ourselves from pushing that fatal “send” button on the computer when we are really mad?  Or how about taking back those angry words that we may have meant, but wished we had said differently?  There are ways to prevent our damaging communication, turn ourselves around, and put ourselves on a better path.  Consider using these five elements to ensure you have smooth sailing in your life.

 Take 90 seconds to feel

When we have upsets or disappointments, we may stuff our feelings about them deep inside and close our mental door on them. We put a lot of effort into ignoring and dismissing them, but they stay with us.  They don’t disappear.  They run around in the back of our minds banging on the door of our attention trying to make us deal with them. Or worse, they lie in wait and when we least expect it, they pop up at inappropriate times. We may find ourselves overreacting to something or crying over some little incident and wondering why we are so upset.

A way to lessen the impact and the frequency of those feelings coming back at us is to allow them full sway for 90 seconds.  Just 90 seconds.  Take a breath and dive into the feeling.  Feel it all.  Allow it to have its way with you. For example, you might feel badly about losing a good friend or be upset over something someone said to you.  The feelings may be running around in your brain, but you keep fighting them off.  They keep coming back. Just allow yourself time to feel them. You won’t even be able to sustain the feelings for 90 seconds.  After about a minute, your mind will be on to something else. And the feelings will be diminished. Do this every time they come up.  You will find they bother you less and less and your stress level goes down.

Be Fully Present

There are many thoughts running around in our mind. So many, that we tend to be always thinking of the past and what happened there or what might happen in the future. We are frequently not fully present in our lives in the moment. We aren’t present to the people or situations in the moment. Consequently, we miss the beauty of life right now.  We miss enjoying our lives.  We don’t really listen to the person or people we are with who may be trying to communicate with us.  We don’t hear what they are really saying and they know we aren’t present. We might then wonder why we don’t have as many friends as we would like or why we aren’t happy with our lives.  Being present to what is happening right now helps us appreciate our lives, and all the good we might have overlooked worrying about the past that we can’t change, or the future that isn’t here yet.

Release Control

This one is for the “control freaks” as we are sometimes called. Yes, I put myself in that category.  Frankly, I didn’t know how much I tried to control things until I practiced not controlling things.  Now, to be fair, I am a well-meaning controller.  I just want to help. But like so many people who just want to help, when they haven’t been asked to help, my good intentions come off like controlling.  So, when I find myself wanting to fix something or make something better for someone, I now give it some thought before I just jump in and help them.  Everyone who knows me is so glad I have reigned myself in.

It’s Working

I love this one!  What it requires is no matter what is going on, tell yourself it is working.  This means something is going right regardless of how things look.  Consider what a cake looks like and tastes like in batter form.  Then it’s put in the oven and it looks even stranger.  Then it’s baked.  That’s when it’s working.  This one requires patience and faith but is definitely worth it.

Say “Yes” to the Universe’s Gifts

Remember the movie “Yes Man” where actor, Jim Carrey, could only say “Yes” to everything that came along? It was funny and something we generally would never do. Here’s why I suggest we do say “yes.”  Often, we are longing for something.  We really want it. Then it comes along and drops right in our lap. We pick it up, look at it, and it doesn’t look exactly like what we asked for.  So, we throw it out.  Like the song says, “You don’t always get what you want, but if you try hard, you get what you need.”  We don’t realize we just got what we asked for.  So, when asking the Universe for something, be open to having it look a little different.  That can be the best gift of all.

These five elements are practices.  That means we keep doing them regularly. As we work with them, our understanding of their power deepens. It is also helpful to track the experience, and practicing the elements with a friend and sharing your experiences with each other can be quite enlightening.  Give them a try! And let us know how it goes…