Give ‘Em the Pickle
By Pamelagrace Beatty
Not long ago, a man who owned a delightful sandwich shop, decided he wanted to retire. So, he sold his very popular shop and the sale allowed him to retire in comfort. He had prepared well for retirement. He was a happy camper. The new owner was happy too, in that he received a thriving business. All he had to do was keep it that way. So, he put his smart son, who had recently graduated from college, in charge of the shop.
The son had studied business and was anxious to try out what he had learned in school. You know where this is going. He studied the restaurant’s profits and losses. The restaurant was doing just fine. It had a steady flow of long-time customers, and new ones dropped in every day. In fact, the business was growing. The son decided it would be a great idea to expand the restaurant so that it held even more people. He considered what it would take to expand the restaurant to accommodate the new customers. He decided, in order to accrue the money needed for enlarging the restaurant, they would need to make some cuts. One of the cuts he elected to make was to eliminate the free pickle with every sandwich that the former restaurant owner had given ever since the restaurant had existed. That sounds like a small thing but the cost of free pickles for every customer who ordered a sandwich in a sandwich shop actually added up to quite a bit of money.
The servers were a little concerned about not giving away the pickles but didn’t say anything because they wanted to stay on the good side of the new boss. The customers, however, were not so hesitant. They had a fit! They complained to the servers. They demanded their pickle! Ultimately, they stopped coming to the restaurant because of this change.
The restaurant started losing business and money. The owner’s son didn’t know why. Finally, he came out of his office and observed the diners. He then overheard one customer complain bitterly about the loss of the pickle and how cheap the restaurant management had become since the restaurant was sold. He got it. The son went directly to the cook and said, “Give ‘em the pickle!”
It took a while, but customers began to come back. The son came out of his office more often and connected directly to the customers. He found out what they liked, didn’t like and would like, and incorporated that information into future plans. The restaurant thrived.
Nice story, yes? But what has it to do with us or our lives? I don’t own a restaurant, do you? Maybe not, but “Give ‘em the pickle” can have a lot to do with our lives. For example, today I heard a discussion between two friends where one was adamant that she knew exactly the place the other was talking about because she had gone there with her. Her friend, who was telling the story about all the good things that had happened to her because she stopped by this shop responded negatively. “No, you don’t know this shop because it’s new.” The other person insisted she knew the shop and had been there. The person trying to tell her story said, “Perhaps you have… anyway…” and went on with the story she was telling about this new shop.
I knew that the friend had just given her friend the “pickle.” Why argue over something that wasn’t even the point of the story? Why cause hard feelings and put a dent in the friendship? Just give ‘em the pickle and move on.
What stops us from backing off of those kinds of interactions that can lead to unnecessary conflict? Perhaps it is the need to be right. Maybe it is a habit developed by the need to be right. Maybe it’s pride (still connected to the need to be right). Maybe it’s a need to be heard because we have felt like no one ever took us or what we had to say seriously. Maybe we have felt invisible and are finally standing up for ourselves and demanding to be seen and heard. Maybe we come from a family who dismissed our opinions, needs, or desires and pushed their perspectives onto us. Who knows what the cause for insisting on being right, or refusing to acknowledge another’s point of view, really is? We can, however, change our behavior and increase our effectiveness in communication and also win friends and influence enemies while doing so.
Giving ‘em the pickle was far easier than I thought it would be. I wanted to have less acrimonious (isn’t that a delightful word) communications. I confess I come from a very argumentative family. NO ONE ever said, “Yes, you are right and I am wrong.” NO ONE!!!
Well, that’s not entirely true. Occasionally my dad would admit it when we were kids, but not now!! After a lifetime of not feeling heard or seen, he is demanding it full force! As for me, I became tired of fighting with everyone, including Pops. Arguing has never been my favorite thing and it didn’t seem to be productive. No one ever let go of their opinion and adopted mine. The argument would just go on and on until one of us (usually me) would give up and stop arguing.
Enter, “Give ‘em the pickle.” Once I learned to stop myself sooner versus later by using my version of “Give ‘em the pickle,” “Hmmm, you may be right,” disagreements with my family and friends calmed down considerably. The first two or three times I used it I felt like I was giving in and admitting they were right. I didn’t like that very much. Ultimately, I have gotten used to it, and the peace of mind using the phrase gives me far outweighs my own need to be right. Besides, I wasn’t saying they were right, just that they might be right. The two aren’t the same (smile).
As I continue to use this approach to potential disagreements, I discover that sometimes – wait for it- they are right and by giving them the benefit of the doubt, I have saved myself some embarrassment when it turns out I am the one who is wrong. Who knew that would be a benefit?
I suggest you give this a try and see how it works out for you. We’d love to hear what happens so drop us a line about your experience.
Carpe Diem
