Grand-parenting Hacks: How to Stay Connected
by Barbara Roberts
By definition, a grandparent is usually really old. And right now, “old people” are cautioned to venture out as little as possible. These are hard times, especially when it means not seeing your loved ones. But, it’s not just because of the virus that grammas and grampas are unable to see their grandchildren in person on a regular basis. There is also the situation where they live in different cities, states, or even countries. Thank goodness for the vaccines, but flying is not a viable option at this time, if you don’t have to do it. For example, I live in Florida and one of my sons and his family live over 3,000 miles away. That’s quite a road trip! I might do it someday, but a 5-hour plane ride for me is enough time spent getting to my destination, and vice-versa if my son and his family decided to drive, traveling with little ones. What to do?
We want to be in their lives, for them to know and love us, and, thanks to technology, we are able to have a relationship with them. When my now 5-year-old granddaughter, Hayvon, was still a baby, we began FaceTiming regularly. I visited 3 or 4 times a year, and we kept the familiarity going with video calls. As she became more social, she would say “hi” and answer a few questions and then play while the adults talked. Eventually, the camera would be on her while we talked, and as the star of the show, she would “perform” for me. Our sessions have now evolved into spending a few minutes with the parents, a “hi, grammie” and maybe a song and dance, from her 2-year-old sister, Ashton, and then an escape to her tent house or her parents’ closet. It is there that she shares her secrets and, on many occasions hushes me so her sister – or the parents – can’t find her.
With the full-frontal attack from COVID, we have all had to learn how to do Zoom calls. That has been a lovely addition to our connection arsenal. For Easter, a few families sat down to eat together in our separate homes, of course. And, we have had a few full family Zoom parties with people joining from New York, WA DC, Miami, Houston, and Seattle. They have been so much fun. It’s especially crazy with the time zone differences and kids’ sleep schedules, and some people have even joined in from their cars. We have celebrated birthdays for kids and adults. There’s only one downfall: I haven’t gotten any cake…. We didn’t try a full family Thanksgiving Zoom call, but Halloween was really fun since the adults also came in costume! Our Christmas Day call is scheduled, and should be pretty funny with kids wanting to talk about and share what Santa brought them.
On both FaceTime and Zoom, taking countless photos and sharing them has been another great way to preserve connection with family. Just before Ashton was born, I took photos from my camera, many of which I had gotten on FaceTime calls, and ones my son and daughter-in-law shared, and made a photo book for Hayvon so she would feel special. I uploaded the digital photos to Costco and putting pics in the order I wanted them was easy to do. I also got two copies so there would be a good copy for the parents. When people came over, she would sit them down with the book and talk about all the relatives and friends who came to visit her from the time she was a baby until she was two-and-a-half. She’s not into as much now, but Ashton has taken to looking through the book almost every day. She thinks some of the pics are of her, and she is recognizing other people in the book. In January, I will have to put together a book for Ashton, and then four months later, one for Sofia. Look what I got myself into!
My oldest granddaughter is going through a phase where she likes to make faces and have me take photos and send them. She has also learned how to take my photo, and with her heavy finger it means her parents have to delete whole rows of photos at a time. Sometimes Hayvon will dictate text messages, complete with emojis to me; other times she will write incomprehensible messages with lots of pictures. She wants me to know she misses me. Immediate warm and cuddly feelings. The kids are too funny together too. Recently, they were playing together, yet separately, with their dollhouse. The camera was only on Hayvon but I knew Ashton was nearby since I could hear her singing. When Hayvon began to join in, this little hand snaked out from off-camera to cover Hayvon’s mouth! I just wish I could have done a video of that one. Some videos of our interactions would be hilarious.
My youngest granddaughter is only about 30 minutes from me, but she goes to daycare and we limit in-person interaction. Sofia is now 2 and has not gotten to the “Watch me” phase yet. She lets me talk with her parents and goes about her business. She will sometimes have an unintelligible conversation with me, and from her expressions I can tell that I did not give the right responses. It’s getting better, and Sofi will answer simple questions. She is a kid who knows when she’s done, though, and will start waving and saying “Bye” right in the middle of me talking!
It might sound impossible, but you could read books to your grandchildren. The trick is to be able to show them the pictures in the book while you read. This is best accomplished by using a computer or tablet, simply because the larger screens can accommodate a child’s picture book. If you prefer to just have a voice call, another way around this is to make sure the child has a copy of the book you plan to read, and you can indicate when they should turn the pages, or a parent can be with them and help with the turning of pages. You could also record a video of you reading the book on your phone, making sure they get a good view of the pages. Recommendation: Be creative.
With a parent’s help you could even teach them how to make a simple cookie recipe. You could show them each step on your end, they could copy it and when the final product is ready (and cooled), you could talk about the experience and how good the cookies are. I showed Hayvon how to make biscuits and they turned out great. She was so pleased when her parents actually looked surprised and said they were good.
Parents can also share the kids’ bath times via video. I have sat in on many, both in person and via FaceTime. It’s lovely to experience everyday activities with them.
Of course, not everything has to be done dependent on technology. There are other ways to remind the grandkids that they have grandparents who love them. Sending them age-appropriate greeting cards with personal messages lets them know you are thinking about them, and they will be delighted to get their own mail. Tuck in some stickers and every time they use one of their stickers, they will think of you. Of course, presents are always a big hit. And they don’t have to be expensive either. Washable markers, games, a unicorn for the girls or a dinosaur for the boys – any one of them will hit the mark. Getting a package with their name on it is cool.
My daughter-in-law gave me a great idea that involves a traveling journal. For me, it will have to wait about a year… There are no rules; I write and mail it to the kid, who when she has something to say writes it in the journal and has a parent mail it back to me. We can do this for years!
I hope some of the ideas presented here help inspire you to be proactive and make those connections stronger.
If you have other suggestions, please share!
