Helping Dad, Regardless

by Pamelagrace Beatty

My father is a bit intimidated by technology. He has learned to go online and get music videos of people playing the ukulele because he plays ukulele and he can learn quite a bit from that. He can also find the news and other things online but that’s where it stops. He does not do email, or pick up or respond to voicemails, and he refuses to text or use his GPS. He also isn’t very patient when dealing with customer service over the phone.  So, when he asked me if the hospitals and clinics were open, I knew he had some sort of problem, and I would need to help him set up a doctor’s appointment.

That sounds like a simple thing, right? But during these days of COVID, it’s not so simple, especially since my father’s habit is to just show up at his doctor’s office.  You can’t do that right now.  We are encouraged to call and do virtual visits online as much as possible. Dad does not zoom or video chat or phone conference. He is certainly not going to do that with a health issue. Added to the problem is that he’s an “OG” or old-fashioned kind of guy.  Doesn’t want people all up in his business, including me.    

I took a deep breath and showed up at his house early in the morning to make his appointment for him.  I dialed in and was put on hold for 28 minutes. I knew there would be a wait and I regretted not bringing my laptop so that I could work while the automatic message kept repeating,  “We have had an unusual call volume and because of COVID-19, call answer time may take a bit longer than usual.” I already knew that would be the case so I put my phone on speaker so that my father could hear what was going on. There was another reason I had concern about making his appointment for him. The person setting up the appointment always asks why you want to see the doctor.  He was refusing to tell me, and I knew that wouldn’t change.  What was I going to say when we got to that question?  But, hey, ya gotta to do what you gotta do.

Finally, after what felt like forever, I got a live person. Her name was Mary and she was very friendly. When we got to the part about why my father wanted to see his doctor, naturally I couldn’t answer since I didn’t know.  She asked if he had any COVID symptoms and listed several.  Dad could hear her and told us no.  Then she asked several more questions and that’s when we got to the information block. Mary, however, was good at her job. She seemed to understand what I was doing and with whom she was dealing.  Mary asked a couple of more very discreet general questions and found a doctor for my dad to see. I was so relieved. All I wanted to do was help him get an appointment and not embarrass him by poking into his private business. I realized that when my mother was alive, she always handled those kinds of things for him.  Having his daughter do this is new to him.

I had such a feeling of relief to have Mary make it so easy. It reminds me of how much of a difference a bit of understanding and kindness can make.  

Please share any experiences you’ve had in this arena!