Never give up
by Pamelagrace Beatty
Sometimes it seems like the Universe is telling me, “Forget about it girlfriend; it’s not gonna happen.” Then there is this litany of voices in my head saying you’re not good enough, slim enough, young enough, smart enough, tall enough, pretty enough, rich enough, strong enough, and on and on. I’ve been doing battle with those voices all my life! I know I’m not the only one. However, I’m determined not to give up. Although lately, the voices seem louder and more persistent than in the past, or maybe my resistance is getting weaker; not sure which it is. But here’s the deal: I’m feeling my determination coming back. I’m getting mad. I’m feeling like that frog with an iron grip on the stork’s neck. “You tryin’ to eat me? I’m not going down easy!”
This is not a rant. This is a call to action! Rise up and live your dreams! Seriously! If you are still breathing, moving around, and thinking, you still got game! There are places to go, new experiences to have, new ways of relating to both yourself and others (in a good way). I am especially speaking to older people who think the best part of their lives is behind them. Well, there may be stuff in the past that is not in our future but there is good stuff in our future that wasn’t in our past. For example, when I first moved back to my hometown, I was terribly surprised and unhappy! After being here 6 months, I realized everything was different from where I’d been. I’d lost my network of friends and associates.
Before I moved, I was well connected in the Bay Area. Everywhere I went I knew somebody and I liked that. It made me feel at home and part of the world I lived in. I liked feeling a part of things. I liked having people know me. I liked knowing where the best restaurants were and where to get a good haircut. I liked knowing where you could have an event and when the art fairs would be happening. I liked knowing where the latest cool nightclubs were for dancing and how long it took to get from one city to another. I liked being able to tell people this who wanted to know. I liked being helpful in that way. I liked living where I lived!
Fast forward to my return home. I knew nothing. And I was finding it hard to learn all of that because…wait for it…I had no network! No one to call and get that information. No support, no friends, no people with the same interests as mine-or so it seemed. Oh, and no work! What I DID have was my first house and a mortgage payment! I was not only depressed because I’d lost what I’d known, but also petrified that I’d lose even more…including my house.
Well, I won’t drag you through the details of my personal reconstruction era, but reconstruct I did! I knew I didn’t have to accept my dire circumstances. I could turn them around. I set out to recreate the communities I had in the Bay Area. I got a small women’s group together. It didn’t last long, but I started another that lasted much longer because the women in that group were from other cities and were as interested as I was to connect. Through my connections I found work. My life slowly came back to be the life I loved.
“And your point, Pamela?” you might be wondering. I believe life is always presenting us with opportunities to reinvent ourselves. Sometimes it’s little changes we need or get to make, like being a grandparent to a new baby in our family. Or maybe it’s moving to a new location and having to make new friends. Maybe it’s downsizing in families where the kids have left, or upsizing for those whose families have grown and they have run out of room. It depends on where we are in our lives. What’s important is to know we can do this! I used to believe older people who lived in one city most of their lives would end their lives there. But now I know many older people who have relocated more than once! One of my retired friends is having a house built in Las Vegas, so he is upsizing, leaving his 2- bedroom apartment for a 3+ bedroom house, and moving to sun country! He’s very excited about this change, and I’m happy for him.
The key is to know that you don’t have to accept that this is all there is. Be open to having new experiences and seeing the gift or the good in them. Sometimes when I’m not enjoying my “new experience,” I ask myself “What is it trying to tell me?” Lately I’ve had two very challenging work assignments which I found disappointing. What I learned from them was I had said “yes” to work I no longer loved, although I’m not sure I have ever loved firing people. What I discovered, and am still in the process of realizing, is how much I love speaking, painting and singing!
I come alive whenever I am doing those things! I am not that happy doing my former work anymore. So, I have some more reinventing to do. However, I’ve done it before so I can do it again. My plan is to carve out more time during the week to do what I love. I’m working temporarily right now but I’m going to change that up a bit. My past experiences are telling me if I do what I love, I am a happier and more productive person. So, may you to find what you love, hold onto it with everything you have, and enjoy the new era in your life.
