Off the Table
By Pamelagrace Beatty
They were going through a divorce. It wasn’t a friendly one. There was a lot of negotiating back and forth between the lawyers. One attorney said to the other, “This is it…our last offer. Take it or leave it.” The other attorney went back to her client and laid out the offer. Her client wanted to think about it. This took a week. Finally, the client said “yes”, but when the attorney went back to the other attorney with the approval of the offer, that attorney said, “Sorry, the offer is off the table. Your client took too long to answer us.” And so, negotiations started all over again.
“Off the table” is a term frequently used by lawyers and others when in negotiations. A deal that had been offered, no longer is available and further discussions about it are futile. The term caught my attention because it reminds me of both personal and professional instances where something has been taken off the table and/or is no longer negotiable. We are sometimes hesitant to take things “off the table.” We might feel that once we offer or agree to something, that is it. We can’t change our minds. That means that every agreement or decision we make is carved in stone. That is a pretty heavy burden to bear. Maybe, however, we have choices. “Off the table” usually has a negative connotation, but that doesn’t always have to be the case…let’s explore it.
Happened Long Ago
Things change. What was, no longer is, yet we might cling to it as though somehow that will bring it back into reality. I have found myself clinging to situations and even people from my past when, in effect, they are “off the table!” That wonderful young man who walked across the dance floor and asked me, of all people, to dance when I was a gawky teenager, is long gone. The memory of that moment still lingers in my mind, and sometimes I have wondered whatever happened to him. That incident occurred over thirty years ago. Perhaps I should move on. Another way of looking at that particular moment is, being asked to dance by the handsomest guy in the room gave me a wonderful memory that has stayed with me all this time. I remember how thrilled I was to see his beautiful brown eyes looking into mine, and his low voice saying, “May I have this dance?” I recall the shocked looks of the girls I came with to the dance, and my delight in dancing with him. We became friends, and even though we were in different cities, we corresponded for a couple of years. His request to dance with him gave my confidence a boost and although that moment is long gone, the memory of it still makes me smile. There are, however, some things that are “off the table” that should stay off.
It Was Better Back Then
I have lived in four states and eight cities (if you count three boroughs in New York as cities). Several times when I moved, the last place I lived seemed better than the city I just moved to, even though I was truly glad to be leaving some of those places. Occasionally, we find ourselves looking back on something and it has “grown wings” as my mother used to say. She was referring to people who were deceased. She said suddenly someone nobody liked, became somewhat of a saint once they passed on. Perhaps the reason for those “wings” could be attributed to the old saying “Never speak ill of the dead.” Past situations may be thought of in the same way. They may become something far better and dearer than they were when we were smack dab in the middle of them! That relationship we couldn’t wait to get out of, or that job we were dying to leave now seems to be the best thing we ever had (well, maybe not the best, but better than what we have now, that we are unhappy with) and we mourn its passing for days…weeks…years! Of course, while we do that, mourn what is lost to us, we are energetically keeping new and possibly better experiences from coming to us. And that leads us to another area of consideration:
Don’t Block Your Blessings
Often, we stand in the way of our Good. It is right in front of us, but we are looking to the right, the left or behind ourselves. We have an indelible picture of what our Good is, and that stops us from seeing the actual good that is all around us. As we pursue that picture, or worse yet, hang onto something that is “off the table,” gone, no longer in our lives, we are blocking our blessings. Someone once told me he was looking for love in all the wrong faces. It was there but he just couldn’t see it. Finally, he realized that a person who had been a friend for years, was actually the person who was the perfect fit for him. They are still together years later.
Some years ago, I worked for a manufacturing firm that produced machinery. This company was unique in that their vision and mission statements were very employee- and consumer-centric, and they lived up to them. They included employees in all levels in decision making, where they could. They had frequent meetings to communicate how the company was doing with achieving their production goals, and other relevant information not usually shared by management with their employees. Overall, the employees were pretty happy, but some complained. They wanted more benefits, money or promotions. Because so many of the employees had worked for this one company a long time, the disgruntled workers had no idea how good this company was to them until the company was sold. I was there when the buyers came in from Australia to look over the financials and the production. A new vice president from the purchasing company was appointed to run it. The first thing he did was to throw out the vision and mission statement, which were the heart of the organization, and any procedures that went with them. It was all downhill from there. In a short time, many of the leadership quit or were fired. These people were actually doing a good job, but they didn’t match the profile of the kind of management the new company wanted. At this point, employee satisfaction rates below average, and over half the reviews of the company stated that management and the culture were are heartless and that they had have no interest in the employees. What was a kind, caring, safety-oriented organization is said to be now just a company that is trying to make money for its stockholders.
Somersaults
The Universe is turning somersaults to bring us the Good we seek. The Force is with us (for non- Star Wars fans, the Force is the Universal power in and around everything). Opening the door to our good is as simple as assuming it is there. I had an experience with a company where I became very disgruntled because it felt to me that my work wasn’t appreciated by my manager. I decided to look for another job. After interviewing with several companies for interesting positions, I discovered that none of their offers matched, much less exceeded, the benefits and opportunities in the company I was working for. Instead of leaving, I used the Education Assistance Program to earn my master’s degree. I asked for and got projects that supported the requirements of my studies. While I was in school, the leadership changed, and like the story above, things took a turn for the worse. My department, which had been a group of internal consultants who traveled to different locations and collaborated with department heads to help them meet their goals, was reduced to being “Yes men”. We all quit and went out on our own. My new degree and the projects I had done at work supported my work as an independent consultant. Although I got the degree so that I could do consulting, the change of management built a fire under me to work hard. What seemed like an unpleasant situation, actually turned out to be a gift.
Sometimes the “gift” isn’t obvious. Sometimes it is beyond our understanding. But all of the time, it is there, and we may just have to trust that. So, knowing this is an abundant Universe with endless possibilities for me and for you I say, “Let’s go out there and prove this to be true!”
