The Four S’s of Meaningful Retirement
By Pamelagrace Beatty
Having enough money is all that is needed to retire happily, yes? Well, yes and no. Yes, because we would like enough money to live comfortably. We want to be able to afford nice dinners, perhaps travel, have good living conditions and have the funds for those unexpected costs, like new appliances because the old ones died. We also need to be prepared to handle medical bills; hopefully not, but odds are that we will encounter medical issues as we age. So, given that having enough money is a “Duh” (of course we want to be able to pay for things), then what are those four “S’s”?
Social: This is a human requirement. We tend to overlook it. I have mentioned before that my mother said to me when I was a teenager, “No man is an island.” I didn’t know what she meant, but now I do. It is important to recognize that need in ourselves and then do something about it.
For some, being social is so easy. I have friends who can talk, and do, to any and everybody! I swear one friend of mine would talk to a tree and probably get a response. Some people have said, “I’ve never met a stranger.” Well, I have, and it takes me a bit to shift from that feeling when I meet strangers. For some, it is difficult to just open up to unknown people or persons and just start talking. It may be equally difficult then, to make new friends, especially when we get older. It might help to know, however, that you, the individual, are not alone. That others share this hesitancy to open up to strangers and welcome them into their lives. But being able to connect with others is essential if we want to have a social network, so here are some ways to make meeting and connecting to people easier:
- Ask them questions about themselves. It is nice to have someone show an interest in you. Asking questions that are easy to answer and not prying can get people to open up and share information about themselves. Be aware of body language though and if the person seems uncomfortable, ease up. Make sure you aren’t “grilling” them!
- Do things you love doing with others. This is an easy one. Join group activities like those presented in senior community centers. Take a class in something that captures your interest and chat with the people in the class. Join a travel group or walking group (a favorite one in bad weather is mall walking. Seniors gather there early in the morning before the crowds hit and the stores open and walk together. They frequently stop after the walk to have coffee. This is great during snowy, rainy weather, or anytime because it is so safe).
- Volunteer on a board, at the hospital as a greeter or baby holder, as an usher at the theatre (get to go to performances for free), or any situation that appeals to you that uses volunteers. It is a great way to meet new people and develop a social network, even if you are shy.
Structure:
All I could think about when I retired was, “Oh boy, I can sleep as long as I want and stay up late too! Cool!” Eh…not really. Ultimately, I discovered that you can’t “burn the candle at both ends.” I also discovered that I needed some structure to get things done that were important to me. I confess I don’t like structure, but with it I accomplish more. My structure included having a regular bed time, get-out-of-bed time and, wait for it… Having a “to do list” that I actually check and follow! I have been much more efficient since I have folded structure into my day. Even if “Watch a movie” is on my list, I’m still planning, versus just allowing my day to roll along without identified tasks. It makes me very happy to check off those “to-do” items on my list.
Stimulation:
“It ain’t over ‘til it’s over!” Back to the thought, “When I retire, I’m going to sleep late, go to bed late and do nothin’ all day!” OK, people may not really plan to do “nothin’ all day” but whatever they do plan to do should also include stimulation. Even as seniors, continuing to learn is essential to our well-being. Studies have been done that say stimulating our minds when we get older helps keep our brains sharp. It also helps keep us engaged in life. Being engaged in life increases our enjoyment. Some of those studies recommend learning a new language (there are lots of nifty and even free apps for learning new languages), learning to play an instrument, or traveling. Doing creative things like painting, singing, writing, taking photographs, gardening, cooking and even building stuff can be very exciting and personally rewarding. Plus, we have a concrete example of what we have done.
Stimulating our brains can be as simple as taking a different route on our walks or drives, or reading a new genre of book instead of our favorite topics. It can also be accomplished by stepping out of our comfort zone and going somewhere new, or, for the shy ones out there, intentionally meeting new people. Yes, we may be in masks and/or have to have proof of vaccination. Still, we can find ways to keep ourselves engaged and delighted with life.
Silence:
Why in the world would we want silence? If we are retired, we probably have more silence than we’ve ever had! What I’m saying here is we need time out, to go in. Right up to now, I have retired friends who are so busy they don’t have time to answer my call or email. And, yes, sometimes I’m in the same boat. We all seem to be doing so much. We are not taking time out, often enough, to hear the calling of our souls, the beat of our hearts. We have said “yes” to so many things and are driving ourselves harder than we did when we worked full time!
Well, maybe that is just my friends and me, but I imagine there are more retirees out there doing the same thing. Several of my retired friends have gone back to full-time work! They just couldn’t get off the wheel. There is nothing wrong with going back to work if that is your passion and what you really want to do. What’s important, however, is making an informed decision, a conscious decision. “I want to do this work and I can do it.” When we are doing what we love, where our passion is, we are happier, and work doesn’t seem like work. Still, taking time out to check in with ourselves is essential. Silence can look like meditating, walking in the woods or around the neighborhood (without the headphones blaring), or sitting still for a bit. It can look like being fully present to a task like washing the dishes or even listening to the grandkids talk. It can be enjoying dinner with the television off. It can be journaling about your day, or what you are thankful for, or writing about your hopes and dreams. Mainly, it means stop, take a breath and “smell the roses.”
These Four S’s help give retirement some structure. Thinking about them before retiring and applying them after (and even now, wherever you are in your life) can increase the level of pleasure we take in our lives.
