Then…Not So Long Ago…and Now…
by Jackie Roberts
Then
It is so nice to be in synch with your spouse! In the 1990’s, my husband and I were both working hard in our respective careers, but we made sure that we played hard too, enjoying vacations several times a year. About 20 years ago, we decided to each take an early retirement. We were prepared for retirement, including having made an investment in Long Term Health Care Insurance. We felt we were ready to explore more of what life had to offer. A friend of ours said, “After you retire you don’t take vacations anymore, you take trips.” Our vacations then converted to trips!
We went on ski trips with friends during the winter months, and annually we skied with the National Brotherhood of Skiers. During milder weather, we sailed with the Emerald City Yacht Club, and traveled often with family and friends. When we were home, taking a breather from our travels, Melvin played golf 3 times a week and you would find me playing tennis and Senior Softball. To us, that’s the kind of life we dreamed of as retirees, and we knew we were blessed to be able to live such an idyllic life.
However, it all came to a crashing halt on June 11, 2011, when my husband had a “routine” surgery for spinal stenosis. The catastrophic outcome is that my athletic husband walked into the hospital but couldn’t walk out. He had a hematoma during the surgical procedure, which left him a quadriplegic. He was in the ICU for 2 weeks and then stayed in the hospital, and he went to rehab for the next 3 ½ months. Our annual Christmas letter that year began with this sentence: “Melvin is in rehab and Jackie’s in therapy.”
Regrettably for us, the highly-sought-after surgeon, who was credited with many successful surgeries, failed us. He was “overseeing” several procedures at the same time, instead of actually operating on my husband. At the end of Melvin’s surgery, they began talking to me about it with the words, “Technically, it was perfect…” Seven years later, there was a big expose regarding Swedish Hospital, and the problems in the Neurological Department. Unfortunately, Melvin was one of the victims. Although we pursued litigation, consulting with six different attorneys, none were willing to open a suit against the doctor or the hospital.
I hope you can only imagine how our entire world was rocked!!! Our home had to be renovated and retrofitted to accommodate a power wheelchair for Melvin, the guy who didn’t use a cart when golfing, and walked the golf course instead. He needed care 24/7, numerous doctor appointments and therapy sessions. I used to go to bed at night, and when I first awakened, I sincerely hoped that I had only been dreaming and that it was just a nightmare. And then my new world would come crashing down on me – all over again…
Not So Long Ago
I come from a corporate environment, and am known for my organizational skills. So, when this crisis arose, I got to work, acquiring a vehicle we could transport Melvin in, calling on contacts to help with securing caretakers, getting the house ready, scheduling his appointments, and very importantly, comforting my husband. We are grateful for our friends and family, church and the supportive community who have kept in contact, offered to help in any way they could, and kept us in their prayers. A few years ago, we added my mother to the household, which brought another set of scheduling stresses. We checked her out of the senior care center, and it was totally worth it. She just recently celebrated her 100th birthday!
In order to keep Melvin engaged, I planned gatherings at our house with friends and family that have known us for years. He loved it, and so did my mother! Melvin’s golf buddies come over twice a week to play cards with him. In his man cave, Melvin has an excellent live-in caregiver, Michael, who has been with us for almost 10 years. He is considered part of our family. To keep Melvin’s spirits up – and mine – we have been on cruises with friends, gone skiing in Aspen with the Disabled Veterans of America, and traveled to Lake Chelan twice a year. Melvin even took up curling and bowling occasionally. Until recently, we also drove to the ocean with friends for our annual birthday celebration trip with friends.
For my own sanity, I continued to travel, either alone or with friends. Needed and good either way… I know I have willingly taken on a Herculean task, and I realize that time away to destress from always being “on” is the only thing that will help me mentally, physically, and spiritually. I have to be on top of my game when I’m at home, and that means I need time to re-charge.
Now
Our lives changed once again in early 2020, thanks to the Covid-19 Pandemic. We secured the house, installed a pandemic protocol for caretakers and family, and hunkered down. I have done extensive reading on my husband’s condition, and been in regular contact with his medical team. His condition has been slowly degrading, and although he is currently in palliative care, he is headed toward hospice.
By the grace of God, we have survived the tragedy beyond medical expectations, fighting for Melvin’s life, and continually striving to have meaningful lives. Even with the prognosis, we continue to be grateful for what we have and are thankful for the activities we have been able to engage in. We continue to pray for healing prayers. But it is only natural: I continue to wonder why did this have to happen to us? They say the Lord does not give you more than you can bear, but why does he think we are so strong???
While all of this was going on, the family business was developed. I want to make a plug for medical marijuana. We got a license to plant and produce it, under very strict guidelines. Looking for ways to alleviate pain, reduce spasms, relieve anxiety and increase Melvin’s appetite, I started experimenting with recipes. We never would have turned to medical marijuana if we didn’t have this ordeal. Today, our whole family benefits from Medical Marijuana, including my mother.
We were guided to this place as this is Spirit’s plan. We just need to continue to have faith and follow it, and of course be grateful for our blessings. If you would like to contact me for more information, please respond to this post with your comments and questions, and your email address.
