What Can We Do?
By Pamelagrace Beatty
It is truly sad when children go to school and fear for their lives. It is also sad when people go to church, go shopping at the local grocery store, or go for a night out and fear for their lives. The uptick of violence in these areas in the United States is alarming, to say the least, and absolutely frightening! It makes me consider staying in bed, with the covers pulled up over my head, while I try not to think about the two posts on the Good Neighbor website, about people being shot through the walls of their bedrooms.
Some of this has been going on for a very long time. It just didn’t hit the news. As a Black person I am well aware of the violence Black people have faced since the slaves were freed, as a result of prejudice. We still experience a lot of that violence, but now it is beyond our neighborhoods and into yours. Whoever “yours” may be.
A few months ago I signed up on the local neighborhood listserv. It mostly covers a large area south of Seattle, including my own sleepy little suburban town. Where I live is actually unincorporated but next to this suburban town. I thought this neighborhood site would have advertisements for lost dogs, or homes needed for kittens, or where to find the best plumber. What folks mostly discuss on it though is crime in their neighborhoods. Frankly, I was amazed at how much crime there was. If you drive through the neighborhoods, you see lovely homes, mostly well-tended yards, nice SUVs and trucks. Call me naïve, but I had no idea how much petty, and even expensive, crime was going on.
Yes, when I first moved to my nice, not particularly diverse, neighborhood with pretty houses, lovely lawns, a Home Owners Association with dues, and local security guards doing regular rounds, I thought, “What a nice, safe neighborhood.” I also thought that having my car stolen right out of my driveway within six months of moving there and having my house broken into and robbed – twice – was an anomaly. But now, after reading the level of crime in the surrounding areas, I see that my experience was not unusual.
I live two blocks up from my parents, who have lived in the neighborhood for 40 years and never had an incident. My mom said it was because I had California license plates. There’s a connection there for her, but not for me. After reading the listserv complaints, I realized the car, and break-ins, are not specific to me.
Here’s what bothered me the most about the conversations on the listserv “I don’t care, I got my gun” was a common theme. And it was not just that folks had guns to protect themselves if someone broke into their homes (something I could understand to some extent), but that they carried these guns with them and were ready to shoot any homeless person who came up to them asking for money. I hope that was just braggadocio. They also seemed to be triggered by someone seen looking in their car when it was parked in the store parking lot, or a stranger knocking on their front door. Yes, these are extreme cases, but true.
I experienced that kind of attitude several years ago when I parked in front of someone’s house while attending a party in a somewhat exclusive neighborhood. As I stood by my car saying goodbye to a friend, a man came out of his house, and in a threatening voice, asked me what was I doing in front of his house. I told him I had just come from a party at so-in-so’s house near by. I used the party host’s name thinking the man might know him. He didn’t. He asked me why I chose his house to park in front of? I told him everything [every space?] nearer to my friend’s house was taken. It was clear I should leave as soon as possible. I didn’t see a gun in his hand but I felt the belligerence. So, I got in my car and drove quickly away.
It’s this kind of anger, suspicion and fear that can lead to violence if the person doesn’t check him/herself. Even people in my nice (?) little neighborhood get very excited or upset when someone unknown parks on “their” street. Again, I understand the concern, especially now that I know how much crime there is out here, but does this call for anger and threats? And if this fear and anger go unchecked, it truly can lead to distressing violence.
As the lobbyists work on what to do about the gun laws, there are some actions we can take right in our own backyards. We can put that pistol away and not make it our go-to for resolving issues. We can pull back on the aggression in our thinking and speaking. Talking aggression leads to active aggression which supports aggressive behaviors. We can be advocates for less violent methods for resolving problems. We can resist the temptation to add fuel to the fire when someone is upset and ranting about what somebody did or said to them. We don’t have to say, “Yah man, he was a jerk and you should punch him in the face the next time he says or does that.” Perhaps that kind of conversation is not happening in your circle of friends, mine either, but I sure saw a LOT of it in my Good Neighbor postings.
As for me, I like to see myself as a center of peace when I am in a group. I confess I don’t partake of conversations in that listserv I spoke of. The one person who brought in a peaceful perspective was eaten alive! Fortunately, most of the people on that list serve are not my neighbors, but I do wonder how many of my actual neighbors think that way. Still, walking in peaceful intent can help bring peace our way. Here’s an example: Many years ago I was going into my apartment in California. The units all had doors that opened directly onto a landing outside. There was a security door for the complex that we had a key to. I was walking from the parking area to the security door when I encountered a man seemingly hiding from view near the door. His appearance startled me but I smiled and said hello. He drew back, looked at me for a second, and then returned my greeting. I unlocked the door and stepped through. As I walked to my apartment, I wondered why the guy was standing inside the area and what he had been planning to do? I did feel, however, that my smile disarmed him. I think a genuine smile can often bring a different energy to a situation.
Smiling may not be your thing, but being aware of whether you are helping to lift up a situation or add to the negative energy of it, could make a big difference in your life and that of those around you.
Our life is what our thoughts make of it.
– Marcus Aurelius
