When Chaos Rules!

by Pamelagrace Beatty

A friend once asked me, “ What do you do when you are angry or upset?” I shrugged my shoulders because I didn’t do anything. I thought about what I was upset about and tried to figure out why I was upset and what I could do in myself to make me feel better.  But I didn’t do anything, unless eating pizza or ice cream counts. Then I realized when he was upset, he went hiking, or skiing, or made an extra trip to the gym to work it out.  He didn’t just sit around trying to figure out what he did or didn’t do right to cause the problem.   So, you might say he was not very self-reflective.  However, there is a saying, “The optimist and the pessimist may end up in the same place, but the optimist has a better trip.”  I decided that my friend had a point and it might help to add doing something physical that was positive when I am distraught.

During these chaotic and unpredictable times, reflection is very important.  Now, more than ever, it behooves us to take a look at how we walk in the world.  How are we treating other people?  How are we treating our own family?  How are we treating ourselves?  How much of the “we-they” have we fallen into? At whom are we pointing fingers and calling them the problem or the cause of the problem?  Truly, we have some things to think about. And, now is a time to do something.  Do something for ourselves first.  It’s like they say when you take a trip on an airplane:  “If there is a problem and the oxygen masks drop in front of you, pull down on the nearest one and place it over your nose and mouth first,” before you try helping anyone else. We can’t help anybody else if we pass out.  This applies to us during these trying times as well.

The news reports indicate that crime and homicides are up in my city by a large percentage. Being confined, not having work, worrying about the basics like paying rent, buying food and taking care of a family can all cause stress that results in short tempers and worse. Simply going to the gym, if we could, won’t fix these problems, but being aware of all we are dealing with and the stress we are experiencing can help. 

The organization I worked for until COVID-19 hit was having its last meeting before closing down.  The director asked how each of us was doing.  One woman, a rather quiet person, mentioned that since she and her husband were now forced to be together all the time, they were getting to know each other better and it was really good.  Another woman, who was quite outgoing and usually a positive, can-do person, said she and her husband hadn’t spent that much time together ever, and she was so over it! There are probably many people who would agree with one or the other of these two situations and even add some additional ones.

Try These Suggestions:

1. Give your house mates some room. Recognizing that these are stressful times for everyone can help. When someone in your household blows up over some small thing, cut them a little slack. Back off of what might have been your usual reaction and show some sympathy or at least patience. Apply that same patience to yourself when you find your own temper fraying.

• Relax more often. Release the need to schedule every hour with something.  For the Type As out there who are used to making every minute count, relax. Take a breath. Do the wash tomorrow. Give yourself more time to do those work assignments, or take time out from a zoom meeting, maybe even skip one. If you are relaxing but feeling guilty, STOP. You are taking care of yourself, taking a break, learning something new, or simply enjoying yourself.

• Form an agreement. Negotiate with the others in your home to split up the chores, the cooking and shopping so it doesn’t fall on just one person. If you have children in your home, schedule their play time and schoolwork and trade off on who manages them.

• Tap into your creativity. Creating something new is fun.  This is a good time to try new recipes. There is a great little app called “Tasty” which has lots of different ideas for cooking and shows the video of how to cook them. It even gives you a list of what to buy to prepare the food. During the summer many people redid their lawns and gardens or remodeled parts of their homes. This might be a good time to take up painting – a picture, not the house, but that’s a possibility, too, in warm weather. This may be the perfect time to write that book or learn a new language so when travel is safe again, you can speak the language of the country you are in. Use your imagination, what have you always wanted to do that you didn’t have time for in the past?  Give it a try, now.

• Connect with friends.  So often we are so busy that we let our friends fall by the wayside.  We consider social media as connecting, which it is in a way, and isn’t in a way.  Picking up the phone and calling someone can be far more gratifying even if we haven’t talked to them in years. Facetiming or zooming can make it feel like you are right there with them. Friends and family will appreciate your reaching out to them when so many are having less contact with other people and are missing that contact.

• Take a news break.  Stop watching the news all the time. And definitely make an effort to talk about something else now and then. Yes, sometimes avoiding the news is impossible. Some of it is so riveting and explosive that we have to watch it. But give yourself permission to step away from it, take a breath and regain your balance. This will allow you to process the information more sanely and less emotionally which promotes better understanding.

We can manage ourselves through these unpredictable times. In spite of what is happening, there are silver linings, elements of good to be had. We may have to work really hard to find that good, but it’s there, and we can create it ourselves.

Carpe Diem