Zoom Etiquette – Did I Do That? Yep, you did.

A little, tiny bit of a Rant… Sorry

By Pamelagrace Beatty

Although many people are now going back to offices, there is still a large group of folks who are going to continue to work from home. There are others who will continue to offer online classes and still others who have found visiting their family and friends in other cities a good reason to keep using video meetings.

In 2020, video conferencing zoomed into our lives with a vengeance.  Most of the population here in the U.S. and other countries have had a taste of it.  For some of us it has become the usual way we do business and the only way we communicated for those working from home.  Video conferencing has been a great tool for meetings and has saved the day for employers and employees alike. Video conferencing has also been a major help in keeping relatives and friends connected during the quarantine.  This will probably continue to be an avenue for meeting now that so many have the hang of how to use Zoom and other video conferencing apps.  For those who have been willing to step into that brave new experience, video conferencing kept people from feeling alone and isolated.  It also allowed the children to attend some form of school even though teaching and managing children in online classes and teachers designing online curriculum with little help was quite the challenge.  So, although we are able to move about more freely and return to the workplace, still many are using video conferencing for meeting and gatherings and many who should know better by now, still seem to need a reminder of how  to participate in these types of meetings.

“Can you see me? Can you hear me?”:

Upon entering the video conference there can be some difficulties.  If you are not familiar with apps like Zoom, just have someone from the younger generation set you up, but please learn to do it yourself in case the youngster gets tired of doing this for you.  Remember, they are young and so is their patience with older folks who don’t learn how to manage their own technology. If you don’t have a representative of the techy generation at home, ask for a practice session with someone who knows how to Zoom.  They can help you learn to download, set up and test your ability to join a Zoom meeting or other type of video conferencing.  The first time around, setting up the app on your computer or phone,  can take 30 minutes or more with Zoom, especially if you are seriously technologically impaired. For those of you who don’t know this, video meetings like Zoom act differently depending on whether you are on your laptop/desktop, notebook, or phone. And it is even different depending on what kind of phone you have (heaven help us). So, it can be helpful to try out the application on the equipment you will use before the meeting.  

Dress  attire:

We all have seen some commercial where a member of a video meeting gets up for some reason and everyone sees that they are wearing their pajama bottoms or something instead of business attire. Most of us who have frequent business meetings know to have some sort of appropriate clothing, at least from the waist up (I have sweaters and blouses that look nice for the calls) and we have enough sense to put something on our lower half that won’t embarrass us if we get up and forget to turn off the camera before we do. It’s a good idea to just have a video conference uniform you can throw on without thinking when you attend these calls.

Hairline, Shoulders, Silhouette, Oh My:

I’ll make this one quick. Set up your laptop, phone or computer so that your face is lit and can be seen. If the light is behind you, you will appear in silhouette. It makes folks feel like you aren’t really there. In fact, check to see how you appear on camera before the meeting.  If you can’t do it on your equipment, use a mirror.  This also helps you see your appearance and whether there are traces of your last meal, or toothpaste (my personal fave) on your face. Be aware of your head placement. Avoid putting your face too close to the camera, that’s just plain weird. Also weird is just seeing the top of your head or only your eyes, kind of like a little kid peering above the edge of a table. I just did an interview with a marketing applicant.  I could only see his face from his mouth up.  He apparently was unaware that I couldn’t see him.  It was weird communicating with a talking head.  Although it causes people to wonder, you can always turn your camera off if you need to, in order to do something or eat something. Let them know you are still with them audibly.

Eating on Camera:

Speaking of eating, many, of us do not know how to eat on camera.  For those of you who haven’t noticed, watching someone bite and chew up close, is not pretty.  Those actors who eat in a commercial have gone to “pretty eating school.” They have been taught how to bite and chew while smiling attractively. The rest of us have not.  Even if you lean to the side thinking no one can see you, check again, you might still be visible. Plus, it looks odd for the meeting group to see you leaning over for an extended amount of time. It’s understandable that if you are hungry you need to eat. Too often, many Zoom meetings go through the dinner hour.  Many people are hungry at that time. You can solve the problem either by eating a late lunch or turning off the camera while eating your dinner.

Chewing Gum:

Really? Do I have to mention this one?  Full face in the camera gum chewing is worse than watching someone eat (usually but not always). It is embarrassing to feel the need to tell an adult not to chew gum on camera. When we chew gum, we are frequently not aware of how that looks even when not in front of a camera.  Let me tell you. It’s bad. OK, so you are just Zooming with the family or friends so what’s the big deal?  Well…  Again, do I really have to tell you?  OK, this is getting to be a rant, so I will stop here.  But remember, no gum chewing!

Taking over the Air Space:

You may be familiar with this one and hopefully you aren’t the one who does this.  This mainly occurs in family and friends Zoom meetings because business calls usually have a moderator or facilitator who manages the conversation’s flow.  But family calls are more relaxed, and no one wants to be the bad guy and stop someone else from talking the whole time.  Not having someone guiding the meeting can make the experience frustrating for those who have to listen. The way the technology works, it is difficult to talk over another person and be heard. And if the talker is not looking at the screen when talking, it is easy for them to ignore anyone else trying to get a word in.  Eventually the folks may stop coming to the meetings. Of course, since these groups are your family or friends, you don’t want to alienate that talker, but you risk alienating everyone else because of the talker.  Does it sound like I’ve had personal experience with these situations?  Yep, I have.  So not fun!)

A simple solution is to have someone manage the meeting.  If no one steps up to that, then give some ground rules at the beginning of the meeting where you ask the participants to be mindful of how long they talk so that others can talk as well.  You can also suggest that if someone wants to say something they can raise their hand and hopefully the talker will see their hand and stop talking. Or you can just gently break in when the talker takes a breath (assuming they do!!) and invite others’ opinions or thoughts. Interrupting works well unless the talker can do circular breathing like a didgeridoo player, in which case they won’t stop for breath so back to square one.

Watching the Paint Dry:

Another rabbit hole family and friends fall into is no agenda.  There is no clear objective for the meeting so the discussion meander — forever! This is another reason why someone might not join your meetings again. There may be no point or no interest in the subject being discussed on the call.  Try listening to details of where to find and confirm the ripeness of radishes.  Not that many people care.  You might feel mean telling your friend or family member they are the only person in the universe who gives a horse’s patootie about radishes. So you remain silent, breathe deeply and hope someone will bring up a more interesting topic like various dishes people can make out of cicadas (well that one might be interesting in a gruesome kind of way). My family will meander off into areas I personally couldn’t care less about. But apparently, they do, and they can explore the un-fascinating details of the topic for hours, literally. I stopped having those meetings.  They didn’t protest.

Sorry I’m Late:

This is a small but important consideration. Even though the meeting may be virtual, for some reason coming in late is still an interruption.  The meeting attendees have started to bond, or may have a rhythm going with their discussion and a late comer undoes that. Sometimes the late comer wants to or needs to be caught up with what has been said.  That could lead to frustration among those who were there on time. So even if it’s a casual family/friends meeting being on time is important.  if you end up coming into the meeting late, be quiet if there is a discussion going on.  Often late arrivals interrupt those who are talking with reasons why they are late or with apologies for being late.  This can be annoying to those who were there on time.

Lately, things are loosening up thanks to those companies who quickly made a vaccine and all who helped get the vaccine distributed.  We will not be going back to what we knew before exactly. We will be going forward with a different experience from how life was in the past.  Video conferencing will probably still be an important part in our lives.  So, keep this little “rant” on your computer for quick reference.  And if you have a good recipe for cicadas I have a couple of friends back east who would love to know about them so that they are prepared for the next onslaught in 17 years.