Mix and Don’t Match
by Pamelagrace Beatty
The first stanza of a poem by Jenny Joseph says it all!
“Warning”. by Jenny Joseph
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple,
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves,
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter…
Although neither my sister nor I feel we are “old” we do feel that we are old enough to now kick off old beliefs and constraints, starting with how we are supposed to look and what we are supposed to wear. That is why we are now engaged in a mix-and-don’t-match dressing challenge!
My sister, however, has an unfair advantage. Wearing clothes that didn’t match was her superpower as a kid. I was always telling her, “No, you can’t wear that, it doesn’t match,” when she put on clothes with colors that didn’t go together, or worse yet, put stripes and plaids together, or some other horrible combination. Those were outfits I wouldn’t be caught dead, in much less wear to school or church. She would grudgingly change her clothes while mumbling heaven knows what under her breath.
So, now I invite her to a mix-and-don’t-match contest just between the two of us (but we are open to having others join us). She laughs at the irony. She has also left me in the dust, now that I am encouraging her to let her inner ‘don’t-match’ child come out! Still, she actually asked me to help her match up some pretty, patterned pants with things she had in her closet.
Two and a half hours later, I had re-mixed over half the clothes in her closet into 30 different outfits. It was SO much fun! In this crazy weather, with no air conditioning, we were dripping with sweat and downing ice water by the quart at the end. I haven’t had so much fun in ages! Evidently, I have a mix-and-don’t-match inner child I have been suppressing!
I imagine you are wondering why on earth I am going on about making bad matches with our clothes. Think of my story as a visual metaphor. It’s an example of how we allow our creativity and passion to be squished by others’ ideas or beliefs about how we ought to live. And here is a significant secret…what we do anywhere, we do everywhere. Get it? What we do in one place we will do in another. So, if we are conservative and uptight with what we wear, we will be conservative and uptight at work, with the kids, in school, while cooking, with our friends, and the list goes on! Granted, there are exceptions to this general statement, but mostly there is truth to it.
For example, for most of my life I found it difficult to let go of my “matchy-matchy” approach to how I dress. At this point, however, I work from home and my friends are all eclectic. I live with my fiancé part-time on the south side of an island that was originally populated by hippies. Now it has a lot of older folks who, in some cases, used to be those hippies and in a lot of cases, are simply very liberal retirees. They are not fashion mavens.
They mostly wear jeans. I don’t. And I take a deep breath when I get out of my comfort zone and wear something different – especially a mixed pattern outfit. I know I am going to stand out. I don’t always want to stand out, but I also wear large red glasses that push me out there even when I’m just wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Sometimes though, I simply want to blend in and not be seen.
I’m an introvert by nature but I apparently can be outgoing as well. My upbringing discouraged the extroverted part of me. It was important that I not bring attention to myself. I was taught to go along with the program, not ruffle any feathers. Conform. I am sure this sounds familiar to many other folks. Society just cooks all the “crimpany” out of us, all the creativity, all the passion, all the fun!
When I was six or seven, I made a booklet for the last day of school and drew pictures of what I had learned over the year. For the cover I drew three pencils, four books and a caricature of my teacher. I wrote a poem that said, “No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s, dirty looks”. The poem may not have been original… As the parents came to the last day of school to pick up their children, my teacher couldn’t wait to show my mother my creative travesty.
Of course, she was mortified! In those days, beating your child was called “spanking” and was common within families. The “spanking” she gave me, for embarrassing her in front of the teacher, helped me understand that my sense of humor was totally unappreciated and un-welcomed, and if I ever did something like that again… You know the rest of the story. No more jokes at school. But my sense of humor wasn’t entirely suppressed. It flew under mom’s radar for a while, and turned out to be a superpower for me as a public speaker. Who knew?
Back to the mix and match… Both my sister and I are working on being more open to our passion, our own creativity and the good in our lives. We are telling the negative voices in our heads and/or environments to “talk to the hand.” Those internal/external critics take all the fun out of life. Yes, we might produce better products or behavior by listening to them, but the process is painful and not fun.
Some years ago, when I was being trained to be a flight attendant trainer, the teacher gave us an unusual assignment. First, he told us that people respond much better to positive reinforcement than to criticism. He said you could get amazing outcomes from people just by telling them what you liked about what they were doing versus criticizing them. You didn’t even have to add the downside. Just praise the upside. He said human nature was such that the person would say to themselves, “Oh you liked this? Well, wait until you see what else I can do!” And they would do even bigger and better things.
Our assignment was to do that with each other. He said we wouldn’t even notice that someone was doing that to us. So, we did, and we didn’t. I did start giving only positive feedback and I didn’t notice when someone was using the same technique on me. I also did think to myself, “Oh, you like this? Wait until you see what else I can do!!!” And I would joyfully try even harder the next time.
It worked then, and it works now, except that we may have to be our own cheerleaders. Our society still leans toward criticism as the way to promote change.
I have found that when I try to step out of my comfort zone, and trusting my own creativity, I feel safer when feeling a bit fragile if I start with small steps. If I don’t have the nerve to wear obvious stripes and plaids, I can just choose more colorful clothes and/or add more jewelry.
Again, what you do anywhere, you do everywhere. Being willing to be more out there with my clothes has also encouraged me to be more out there with other things and places in my life — like this blog! I am having more fun in my life, and encouraging others to do the same!
Bonus Note: If you want to join our fun but don’t know how to start, here are some suggestions for having fun mixing your patterns:
- Start in your closet and try combining the clothes you have in new ways
- Step away from the “rules”, in fact go the opposite direction- if the rule is never where red with pink. Do it!
- Buy bold, different clothes at a thrift store and mix them with what you already have
- When combining patterns, here what to try:
- Start small if new to this. Use small patterns you are comfortable with like pairing a plaid with stripes
- One bold and one subtle pattern
- Small patterns which pair better than bold patterns
- Mix two subtle patterns with same color palette
- Add patterned jacket with patterned bottoms and plain top
- Treat dots, small stripes and animal prints like neutrals…can wear with anything
- Get multiple belts to connect the pieces
- Just have fun!
Carpe Diem
