Positive Posse -Gotta Have One!
by Pamelagrace Beatty
It is time to do a little meta-analysis, to practice introspection, to take an honest look at how we tick! What motivates us? What stops us dead in our tracks? Why do we do the things we do? I’ll go first…
What slows me down when it’s time to do a new painting is my fear of just making a big mess. But painting is not the only place that fear strikes. Those negative thoughts can show up at any time in any part of my life. They have slowed me down and clipped my wings in so many ways. Oh, those errant thoughts following us wherever we go!
What if we had an even bigger group of positive thoughts countering those negative ones? You’ve heard the expression, “Be your own best friend:” What if we had a positive Greek chorus in our heads saying, “You can do it! You’re all that!! You’re smart, strong, resilient, and creative!!!?” And even more… What if that positive posse spoke up over the negative voices in our heads ALL THE TIME? What would our lives be like?
Self-Referent
Many times, we make the mistake of hoping we will get approval from outside of ourselves. We want praise and recognition. We are disappointed when that doesn’t happen. When I was a child, I sometimes went to my grandmother and cried about someone not appreciating something I did. She always said, “Well child, that is a jewel in your crown in heaven.” That did NOT make me happy. Once I told her, “I want my jewels NOW!” Wasn’t my best idea. Grandma nearly squashed me!
I continued to want recognition for what I did – right or good – for a very long time. Finally, far too many years later, I learned to “do the right thing” for its own sake. And when I did something I felt was good, I learned to congratulate and appreciate myself, regardless of whether anyone else agreed. That has proven to be very helpful to me as an artist. I paint a lot and have only sold a few. But when I see the paintings on my walls in my home, I am filled with happiness. Regardless of whether anyone else likes the paintings, I do and I will keep painting.
Sometimes I’ve been surprised when someone liked my paintings. One winter I was very tired of looking at the wintery snow and bare tree branches in my backyard. So, I painted an imaginary scene of my backyard in spring. The trees were green, there were flowers everywhere and the sky was a lovely bright blue with a sprinkling of puffy clouds. I thought “No one would ever want this painting but me.” I posted it on my website and a friend from the east coast bought it immediately! She said it reminded her of her own backyard. I thought she was just being supportive. I couldn’t imagine a backyard looking like the one I had painted. Then she sent me a photo of her own yard. There was a resemblance. I was painting for myself and someone liked it enough to buy it. You never know.
Are Ya Listening?
In order to hear that positive posse, we have to also know what negative stuff we are saying to ourselves. That means we must be self-aware. I was talking with a coaching client who denigrated herself several times. I told her she would achieve more if she stopped talking so negatively to herself about herself. She denied having said anything negative. I gave her an example and she denied that. She was not listening, nor aware. So, I went straight to affirming that she could achieve the goals she had in mind and let’s talk about how.
It is also important to trust what the positive posse is saying. Here’s the key to trusting: “Act as if…” Even though you may not believe the positive things your posse is telling you, just pretend you do. Act as if it were true. When we act a certain way, our behavior follows. For example, the wise ones have said to smile even when we don’t feel happy, and our mood will change accordingly. Try it and see.
Another key to overcoming the negatives in our heads is to celebrate achievements. Often, we meet a goal and then we are off on a new one. Yes, this culture rewards us for achieving and it seems to say if we are not achieving, we are goofing off. We are not living up to our full potential. So, we don’t stop to appreciate what we have achieved. We keep moving. We are never satisfied. I have seen people work so hard they made themselves sick. In fact, I’ve done it myself. Whatever I did was never enough. Some movie stars have said, “You’re only as good as your next movie!”
We can avoid the trap of ceaselessly working by taking time to acknowledge and celebrate our accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. We should practice reminding ourselves of the progress we’ve made and the hurdles we’ve overcome. By recognizing our achievements, we build self-confidence and energize ourselves for the next goal.
Yes, You Can
One more key element of creating a positive posse is to literally create one outside of yourself. Pay attention to the people in your life. Do they bring energy and good or do they drain you? Are they encouraging of your ideas and situations or is their first response negative? Make an effort to surround yourself with positive, encouraging friends. Limit the amount of negative people in your life. Yes, it is sometimes helpful to have someone who will tell you the brutal truth, as they see it. Hearing it can be a bit challenging, but also helpful, if you don’t have a steady diet of negative feedback.
Letting go of all of the negative people in your world can be difficult, especially if the negative people are relatives, and/or loved ones, or people you are, for some reason, frequently forced to be around. Think in terms of taking care of yourself. Are these people helping you to create good in your life? Or are they just sucking the life out of you? If it’s the latter, bite the bullet and cut the cord — or at least limit your interactions with them.
Relating to self-care? Do that. Take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, do things you love. Get enough rest, and so on. Actually, see yourself as a valuable contributor to life, yours and others. Have all the posses, both inside and out, support your efforts.
Now, it’s your turn to take a look inside you!
Remember, everyone faces self-doubt and negativity from time to time. The key is to develop a positive mindset and practice self-encouragement regularly. With persistence and self-belief, you can rise above the negative voices and reach your full potential.
